Polygamists March; Demand Volume Discount On Marriage Licenses

Polygamists, under attack even in the generally tolerant and Mormon-populous state of Utah, marched on Washington, demanding what they regard as their right to a volume discount in the purchase of marriage licenses.

The demonstration was incited when a breakaway member of the Mormon Church, who is accused of seducing a minor female and matchmaking other minors females to older men, was buying so many marriage licenses that he had to rob a bank to pay for them. As a result of the armed banditry, he wound up on the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted List.

The bearded leader of the march explained, “When people only buy one marriage license, we can see why they’d have to pay the full freight. But when you’re like us and buy them on a regular basis, it’s only fair that you ought to get a break on the price.”

We were surprised in our assumptions, as usual, when we asked a female marcher why she, in this age of women’s rights, would consent to be married to a man who has four or so wives. “It’s not like you think,” she told us. “I’m actually too independent to be married to any man full time. This way, my husband is so busy with his three other wives I only have to put up with him 25% of the time.”

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